It’s been over a year since i posted here. Motherhood caught
up with me and pulled me into a cave. A messy and fantastic cave, that is.
But i want to keep writing. I have all this ideas inside my
head. If only they spill on paper on their own.
I’m making time for this post even though I have deadlines
and it’s my little girl’s happy happy month (she’s 2 now). Two dear friends
just announced that they are expecting and I’m so excited for them!
But i also want to prepare them.
Somewhat.
Because really, nothing will prepare you for what’s to come.
So here are some things I wished somebody told me when I was pregnant.
1. You need to prepare, financially.
We did. We had money stashed in the bank
for my delivery, be it by spontaneous vaginal delivery (SVD) or C-section
package. But it wasn’t enough. I realized now, we should have saved more for
complications. My baby had blood infection so we stayed in the hospital for 10
days! The money we thought will cover everything wasn’t nearly enough.
And the vaccines! I never knew immunization
is so expensive. Yes, you can go to the health center but some are not
available there.
Finally, babies get sick. We found out my
baby has a congenital condition and needed to be operated on. The amount needed
depleted every resource we had.
2. You need to prepare, emotionally.
This is more important than #1. Family and
friends can help in # 1 but when it comes to your bag of emotion, sometimes it
is just you and it.
One thing I did was to read up on
everything pregnancy, everything baby, everything! So I thought I was ready. But the first time they put my baby in my
arms, the first time i stared into those
eyes and tiny feet, the first time she sucked on my breast, the first time they put a needle on my baby, the
first time baby threw up, the first time she had the sniffles, I was lost. I didn’t know what to do!
The first week was the worst. And the year
after she turned 1. That’s when all the exhaustion
crept in. And all the pent up emotions.
It’s like: She’s so beautiful and perfect but I’m tired and so unhappy.
Don’t worry, the feeling is normal. And the good news is, it passes. Just make sure you get your ME time. Treat yourself.
And get help around the house. Do the dishes tomorrow!
3. Expect nothing and everything on D day.
No delivery is the same. This is mine (and it was not what I imagined
it to be):
I had bloody show when I woke up at 7am. I
was admitted 11 am. They gave me meds and oxytoxin to induce labor. In the
labor room, I was still able to read and digest what i was reading by 2pm. By 4
pm, pain was unbearable so I consented to painkillers. By 5:30 pm, I was transferred
to the delivery room. I gave birth at 6
pm.
Doc needed to use forceps because baby’s
heartbeat was dropping. They had a lady
whose sole task was to push the baby out of my belly. Yes, she literally put
both her hands balled up into fists on my stomach and on three, pushed with all
her weight. I was so surprised I forgot to count, breath and push!
All the labor pains, bewilderment and flurry of activity
were out of my mind the moment I had my baby in my arms. We were wheeled into the recovery
room after unang yakap and all other protocols. By 9pm, we were still there. Other moms came
and went. I knew something was wrong then. My baby’s respiratory rate (RR) was
high and one doctor kept coming back to monitor. But when they gave her to
me to breastfeed, her RR normalized. Finally, we were transferred to our room.
It was almost midnight. Hay salamat.
4. If it hurt to give birth, it hurts
afterwards too.
All along, I thought the pain stays in the
delivery room. But like a ghost, it chased me around until a couple of months
after I started labor. Maybe the reason nobody told me about this is because
girls are always shy about the nether parts (or maybe every pain is unique and
mine was really nasty). Well, I am shy too. But I am baring my soul so you know
what to do.
The tear from giving birth hurt. It hurt a
lot I cried buckets whenever I go to the restroom. More tears than when I was
giving birth to my baby. More tears than when I first laid eyes on her. More
tears than when we were told my baby needs an open heart surgery. More tears
than when I saw her all hooked up on these life support contraptions looking
like a little spaghetti monster. More tears than when we found out she has
thalassemia.
What I realized is I felt helpless when the
pain is physical and I think I cried more because that pain is more welcome
than the pain from the heart. Because then, I can wallow in it and acknowledge
it with tears. But when the pain came from the heart, I will myself not to cry
and be brave instead. Being a mom makes you brave because you need to be brave
for your little one. I imagine this is just the beginning. This baby will grow
up and will make me cry in countless ways without her meaning to.
5. You won’t have time to cook, to wash the
dishes, to go to the restroom. You won’t have time. Period.
You are no superhero, you have no
superpowers. And if you have no help or yaya at home like us, you’ll soon be frustrated
and tired and cranky and tired and ugly and tired.
The best gifts we got on the first weeks
were food that came in disposable containers. Because let’s face it, this little
one is hogging all the attention and all our energy so we have no time to cook
and wash the dishes. She was needy, she was puking milk, she needed to stay
upright 30 mins after feeding and she needed to feed every 1-2 hours. So how do
you sleep, take a bath, brush your teeth? You don’t.
But it gets better. Still difficult but
different difficult. And that first smile, that first laugh, that strong grip on your
finger, those alone are enough reward for all those shitty times.
Yes, having a kid is wonderful. And hard, too. Sometimes,
you want to go back to being single and carefree. Even just for 10 minutes.
Hey, when you are feeling that way, it’s time to go out and be with friends. You need this! Call up family to help out. They
will be glad to do so. I read somewhere that it takes a community to raise a
kid. In my heart I think, like all legends and stories, this rings true.
But the amazing thing is, no matter how unprepared you are, even
if it’s just you, when you have a baby in your arms you become the most capable
person to take care of your baby.
