TAG-INIT 2017

Manunulat at guro din ako, kaya habang pinapanood ko ang paglaki ng aking anak, di maiiwasang i-document at suriin ang mga milestones. Lalo na sa language developement. Kumbaga, tsumo-Chomsky ako.

Pero siyempre, ang mga observations na ito ay para maaliw ang anak ko balang araw. Tatlong taon pa lamang siya pero matatas na magsalita. Filipino ang una naming wika sa bahay. Madalas rin niyang marining ang ilang Ilocano, Hapon at Ingles na mga salita.

Gumawa ako ng tala ng mga salitang hindi nya mabigkas nang tama, hindi para pag-aralan kung bakit.  Napaka-kyut lang talaga ng kanyang bigkas at kasalanan na hindi ito itala. Ang mga salitang ito rin ang nagpapahiwatig kung ano ang pinagkakaabalahan niya sa panahong ito, ang tag-init ng 2017.


Bigkas  (Salita) Gamit sa Pangungusap (actual na gamit niya)

Lilipap (lollipop) -- Gusto ko ng lilipap!

Peh-lay (Reply 1988, isang Koreanovela)  --Nood tayo ng Peh-lay, nanay.

Simpol (swimming pool) – Pupunta ako sa simpol.

Swimswimsuot (swimsuit) –Yung swimswimsuot ko nasa Ilocos?

Pari (pinagsamang parang at kunwari) –Pari, bata ko ito (refering to a small towel).

Beh lang! (Joke lang!) –Ayaw kong magbike. Beh lang!

Hangkol (alcohol, yung pinapahid) –Ayaw kong maghugas, hangkol nalang.

Tawis (pawis) – Tawis na ako, nanay!

Kulintas (tirintas, sa buhok) –Gusto ko yung kulintas-kulintas, parang kay Umi.

Fah-layt (flashlight) –May fah-layt na bigay sa akin si lola, di ba nanay?

Fah-tick (chopstick) –Marunong na ako magfah-tick!

Si Liit at ang kanyang Fah-tick

Tambo (takbo) - Tito Bong, Kuya Tet, Kuya Gab tambo-tambo tayo!

Bort (boat) - Sakay tayo sa bort na malaki!

Ka-wan (pakwan) - Nakakain ang ka-wan.

Sa-tol (santol) - Maasim yung sa-tol.

Pansi (kalamansi) – tignan ang susunod na pangungusap

Hani (honey) –Gusto ko ng pansi juice na may hani.

Godort (glow-in-the-dark) –Pag-uuwi tayo sa Ilocos sa October, isususot ko yung godort.

Atsa (kutsara) – tignan ang susunod na pangungusap

Tididor (tinidor) -- May asta at tididor ang higante, no? (referring to those huge house decor spoon and fork)

Napay (tinapay)--  tignan ang susunod na pangungusap

Papingi (pahingi) –Papingi ng napay, tatay.

Papinga (pahinga) – Ano nga yung kanta? Yung papinga at laro? (kanta ni Gary Granada)

Abunes (butones) –Ayaw ko sa abunes na mata (referring to the other mother in Coraline)

Asyan (sasakyan)—Pag may asyan, tatabi ako.

Mashap (masarap) –Mashap ang ulam!

Aputer (computer) –Si tatay, nag-apuputer nanaman.

A-fon (celphone) --  tignan ang susunod na pangungusap

Kasino (kanino) – Kasino itong a-fon? Kay lolo?

Gewin (penguin) –Tatay, gewin tayo!

Sikel (tricycle) – Pag pupunta tayo sa Ilocos, sasakay tayo ng sikel, tapos bus?

Kosme (excuse me!) –Nanay, kosme! Tingin ka sa akin.

Kadiri (daliri) –Sampung mga kadiri (singing)

Naramadan (nararamdaman) --Malamig nga, naramadan ko nga.


Hindi nagtatapos diyan ang masayang listahan. Siguradong may nakaligtaan akong mga salita. Napakahilig niyang maglagay ng impit sa pangalawang pantig ng salita. At lohikal ang pagdugtong niya ng mga salita katulad nung "kasino" para sa kanino. Napick-up din niya ang pag-uulit ng unang pantig ng salita katulad dun sa "apuputer."At madalas, trending kasi ginagaya siya ng kanyang mga pinsan, lahat sila pag nagbibiro, ang sambit ay “Beh lang!”

Minsan, kami mismong mga magulang ay hindi siya maintindihan pero kung tatanungin siya at makikinig kaming mabuti, magliliwanag ang mundo.

Halimbawa, kumakain kami sa hapag kainan at sabi nya, “May asta na bigay sa kanya.” Kaytagal namin bago na-gets. Nagtanong kami “Anong kulay?” “Nakakain ba ito?” Maiyak-iyak siya sa frustration hanggang nakuha rin namin—KUTSARA pala ang ibig niyang sabihin!

Isang araw, panay ang ungot niya sa akin na gusto niya isuot ang godort. Hala! Ano yung godort? Iyon pala ang glow-in-the-dark niyang pantulog. Hahaha!

Ano ang aking take-away sa karanasang ito? Makinig po sa maliliit na bata. May sariling isip at estilo na sila sa pagproseso ng mga bagay-bagay upang maintindihan nila ang napakalawak na daigdig.

SAMPUNG MGA KADIRI

Nakatutuwang makita ang paglaki ng iyong supling, lalo na habang natututo siyang magsalita, maglakad at kumain. Araw-araw, parang may isang buslo siya ng regalo para sa amin ng tatay niya.

Habang kinakantahan ko siya ng Sampung mga Daliri, sinusubukan niyang makisabay. Kaso bulol (haha), kaya Sampung Mga Kadiri ang lumabas.

(illustrated by Hubert Fucio, Adarna House)

At dahil baliw kami ng tatay niya, gumawa kami ng kanta na angkop sa kanya—yung mga kadiri para sa kanya. Ayan, sabayan ninyo kami sa kanta:

SAMPUNG MGA KADIRI

Sampung mga kadiri

Daliring malagkit

Paang maputik

Matang mamuta

Ilong ng kalabaw

Panay ang kulangot

Lumulobo ang sipon

Amoy patis, amoy patis

Ang hinlalaki ni Botbot

Sampung mga kadiri

Ulong amoy panis

Maasim na kilikili

Makating puwet

Ilong ng kalabaw

Rainrain

All week, I’ve carried the thought of you dying,

on my shoulders

and so I bow and stoop

and drag my hands

All month, I’ve carried the thought of you dying,

in my head

and so the wind howls inside

and I growl at my loves

All year, I’ve carried the thought of you dying,

in my heart

and so sampaloc leaves fall

and I laugh a little less

All my life, I’ve carried the thought of you dying,

in my soul

and so I lead you up the hill

one rainy morning

and I love a little more.

LIVING THE QUESTIONS

"I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart 
and to try to love the questions themselves 
as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. 
Don’t search for the answers, 
which could not be given to you now, 
because you would not be able to live them. 
And the point is to live everything. 
Live the questions now. 
Perhaps then, someday far in the future, 
you will gradually, without even noticing it,
 live your way into the answer. "

- from Letters to a Young Poet by Rainier Maria Rilke

This got me through that difficult time in my life. I was brimming with questions that I refused to understand. I still find it hard to talk about that day, that week, that year. But every time I see my little girl, I remember Rilke and I will be forever grateful to poems and poets.

One day, I will write the story how these words kept me strong, how the full moon kept me awake, and how you--our Linnaaw, made your Nanay and Tatay so brave, so brave.

But yes, no one, absolutely no one I know is braver than you, our little spaghetti monster.



One day.

read more about the poet here

I pick my battles

I have changed. I have been puzzling over this and  these unwelcome changes. For a couple of years, I was trying to understand myself. I knew me, yes. But this new person, I have to take a step back from her and analyze how she came to be.

Yes, I love cats. For people who know me, this is my most defining trait. I take home strays, forego vacations and dates over my sick cat, collect cat stuff and feel good all day just because I watched a cat video.

Now...I still love cats. We took home two small kittens last May, their eyes still shut. But I learned to let go a bit and let other people help with the feeding so we can go out and have fun. I don’t hoard much kitty merch now. I sleep with my loves, not with the cats. Oh, I still get a kick out of kitteh vids.

Yes, I love traveling. Before, kaladkarin talaga ako. For me, new places = natural high. Bumagyo, tuloy pa rin ang gala. My eyes shine as they take in the sights, smells, and sounds.

Now, I get tired just packing our bags so I pack weeks in advance. And just before I step out of the door, something in me doesn’t want to go.

Yes, I’m a freelancer and loving it. I like that I only work when I need to, that when the cravings call, I can just up and go to have that lomi, onigiri or injeolmi. That I can bike with my family most mornings or afternoons. And that I am home when my baby is sick.

But nowadays, a thought always nags at me “Hoy, get a regular job. Time to stay in one place. Get good health benefits.” Maybe because I have a kid now. And a dream of a forest of native trees. That’s why I’m more afraid of the uncertainties freelancing brings. The “something always comes up” mantra is not enough anymore.

Yes, I enjoy seeing friends. Back then, I would seek them out, visit their homes, go out of my way to see them.

These days though, I find it hard to leave the house. Especially to go to the city. I hate crowds, I hate having to endure traffic, I hate the anxiety that grips me when I get into a cab. But I would still love to see you guys!

Yes, I’m generally a nice person. I smile a lot— so amiable and so easy to make me happy. I couldn’t say no even when in my head I'm screaming “NO!” I get flustered and couldn’t sleep when people are disappointed or mad at me.

Used to, anyway. Now, I say NO, sometimes not nicely. Without me noticing, my forehead is always creased (my little girl would mimic me, her brows together, forehead furrowed and ask “Bakit ganito ka, Nanay?”). I’ve become a brooding, irritable person, who couldn’t care less if you don’t like me.  I've grown up. I've grown old. And not the way I imagined myself to be when I was still in my teens.

Ako ay isa nang masungit na ale. 

I’m trying to understand and embrace this new person, even try to like her. See, she’s assertive now! She knows her priorities, what’s really important. She recognizes her fears and tries to face them bravely, even if on the other side, she’s fighting with herself.